Sign In | Create an Account | Welcome, . My Account | Logout | Subscribe | Submit News | Home RSS
 
 
 

Now we know the real cause of murders

March 15, 2013
The Alpena News

Finally. A politician who has actually said something vital to Americans' well-being. Congressman Dan Benishek's revelation that hammers kill more Americans than bullets has changed the way I think about murder and mass slaughter in America.

Rather than obsess over individuals owning assault rifles and thousands of rounds of armor-piercing ammunition (which might cook off in a house fire) I'm now going to worry about several million hammer owners going berserk in movie theaters or committing drive-by hammerings. But more information is needed; which hammer is more lethal, ball-peen or claw? Sledge or mallet? I'm especially paranoid about tack hammers, so easily concealed yet apparently as dangerous as a Glock 9 m.m.

Given Dr. Dan's assertion, it appears sensible to require background checks of people buying these "tools." Hardware stores, home improvement centers and especially those unregulated builders' shows should all be included in the system. Of special interest should be those making multiple hammer purchases. An arsenal in the making.

Seriously, instead of the four shotguns I've always relied on for home security, I'm placing an eight-pound splitting maul under my bed. Escalation, yes, but I wouldn't want to be out-hammered during a home invasion or by government agents intent on hammer confiscation.

A final thought: what role do spanner wrenches play in urban gang warfare?

Keep up the good work, Dr. Dan. After all, "enough is enough."

Paul Bray

Alpena

 
 

 

I am looking for:
in:
News, Blogs & Events Web