Panel members ranged in age from 15 to over 50, and from gay to bisexual to transgender. They all have one thing in common: they are human beings, and they desire love and acceptance, just like anybody else.

“Small Town, Big Challenges: Living LGBTQ+ in Northeast Michigan” was cosponsored by ACC Takes Pride student group, and Hope Shores Alliance, a domestic violence shelter organization in Alpena. The panel included four high school students and three ACC students, all who identify as LGBTQ+, which means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning and more, including asexual, which means you have no sexual attraction to either gender.

In the welcome, ACC Takes Pride Faculty Adviser Shawn Sexton explained the objective of the forum: education and understanding.

“Tonight we hope that you’ll walk away with a better education of LGBTQ issues right here in Alpena,” Sexton said. “A better understanding of the brave and wonderful and special people that are in that community right here in our hometown, and hopefully an understanding of how you can be an advocate, an ally.”

Above, 15-year-old Silas Bastow, on left, talks about the difficulties he has faced since coming out as a gay male. Seated next to him are Teegan Birch, Gabrielle Bourgeois, and Todd Graham.

He said the LGBTQ+ community here is bigger than most people may think, and that someone you love will likely need your support at some point.

“From experience, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much, as an ally,” said Sexton, who is an ally himself. “It takes a kind word, it takes an open door, it takes a hug. You don’t have to know everything, you don’t have to understand everything. You don’t have to get it. You just have to be supportive, be loving, be caring, be there for people, and hopefully tonight is a good start for that.”

Three community presentations preceded the forum.

To start, Alpena High School Principal Tom Berriman provided the following statistics about the makeup of the national student population: 8.9% of students identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and 1.3% of students identify as transgender. He said 92% of LGBT youth say they hear negative messages about being LGBT. The top sources are school, the internet and their peers.

“As an educator, if I could ban social media, 90% of my problems go away,” he said.

Above, Alpena High School Principal Tom Berriman, at the podium at right, explains how the suicide risk is higher for young people who identify as LGBTQ. Seated from left to right are panel members Marisa Morrison, Dominick Nadeau, and Max Zbytowski. Struggling? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

A slide titled “Why the Urgency?” explained the results of a 2019 national survey of 34,000 LGBTQ youth: 39% seriously considered attempting suicide in the past 12 months; More than half of transgender and non-binary youth have seriously considered suicide.

“The numbers are absolutely staggering,” he said. “We never want a student to feel that they have no other choice, no other resource, than to take their own life, or attempt to take their own life.”

The next slide contained these words: “I’m gay. I’m lesbian. I am bisexual. I am transgender. I am like you. I’m human.”

The statistics followed about transgender students: 42.1% have been prevented from using their name or pronoun; 46.5% have been required to use the bathroom not aligned with their gender identity; 8 in 10 transgender students and 7 in 10 gender non-conforming students were bullied/harassed.

Berriman said there is now a gender-neutral bathroom near the main office at the high school.

A Gay Straight Alliance was formed at Alpena High School this school year. Berriman said teachers have gone through training to help them understand the many different gender and sexuality terms that are currently being used. One such term is cisgender, which refers to “a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex,” according to Lexico.com.

“Getting the pronoun correct is so important,” Berriman said. “When you reach out to a student to learn their pronoun, that shows that you see them as an individual.”

Berriman noted a simple thing that anyone can do is to add their pronouns (he/him, she/her) at the end of their name in their email signature.

He explained that 4 in 10 LGBT youth (42%) say the community in which they live is not accepting of LGBT people.

Berriman said GSA advisers Lori Vought, AHS counselor, and Andrea Linton, AHS teacher, worked hard to make this event happen.

Presentor Jeanine Kaltz, mother of panelist Gabrielle Bourgeois, said Hope Shores Alliance offers services to all people of any gender or sexual orientation. Kaltz stated that LGBTQ+ students are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers, and that they face higher rates of homelessness due to being kicked out of their home by unaccepting family. Kaltz also said of LGBTQ+ students: 78% report high rates of harassment; 89% have felt unsafe at school; 35% report physical assault/harassment; 12% report sexual violence; 30% reported having skipped class because they felt unsafe.

Kaltz explained that people undergoing abuse or mistreatment need to be heard, and that allies can do three things for them: “Believe. Support. Validate.”

ACC student Brianna Ryan helped found ACC Takes Pride in May 2019.

“We are open to all letters of the alphabet,” she said, noting that allies are welcome to join.

Sexton said the group has about 50 members, and is one of the most active groups on campus.

“Our first community event was marching in the Fourth of July parade last summer,” Ryan said. “We were greatly encouraged when 41 people joined us.”

Sexton recalled 15 years ago seeing one of his students march in the parade alone with a rainbow flag.

“I thought, first, that’s the bravest thing I’ve ever seen anybody do,” he recalled. “And, second, I never want to see that again. Not by herself. This last year there were 40-50 people that walked … I bet we had the loudest cheers in that parade … Nobody said anything negative. People asked for flags, they were supportive. Fifteen years, I think Alpena’s coming around.”

Sexton and Ryan both facilitated the panel discussion, first asking prepared questions, then questions that audience members had written down on note cards.

Panel members were Silas Bastow, Teegan Birch, Bourgeois, Todd Graham, Marisa Morrison, Dominick Nadeau, and Max Zbytowski. Four panelists were high school students.

“To do this as a high school kid, to come up here in front of your community and be part of this forum, I mean, that takes a lot more bravery than I ever showed at 16, 17, 18,” Sexton said.

Bastow is a 15-year-old freshman. He explained that coming out lost him a lot of friends, and he discontinued playing the sport he loves, soccer, because he did not feel accepted on the team anymore.

“My parents have been super, super supportive. They’ve been my biggest supporters, and I love them so much,” he said.

Bourgeois said she was very fortunate to have a loving an supportive family when she realized she was gay in ninth grade.

“I was able to come out in a really supportive environment, thanks to my mom,” she said, looking over at her mom. “I love you, Mom.”

Graham is a founding member of ACC Takes Pride. He is a nontraditional student who was previously married to a woman for more than 20 years. He came out as a gay man later in life.

“My worth doesn’t depend on what you think,” he said. “It’s what I think.”

He said being who you are is harder when you are gay, but it’s worth it.

Several of the panelists said Alpena is becoming more accepting as a whole, but that it is hardest at the junior high and high school. Students bully those they do not understand, instead of communicating with them to learn about their differences.

Panelists said asking questions is encouraged.

“Don’t assume,” said Max Zbytowski, a 16-year-old transgender male. “Communication really is the key to understanding.”

He explained what it feels like to be transgender.

“I always have felt different,” he said. “I always felt like something was wrong with me and I never knew what it was … I’ve never been female in any sense, except physically … I’ve really come a long way. I’m four months on testosterone, and it’s the best thing that I have ever done.”

When the discussion concluded, the audience applauded, cheered and gave a standing ovation to the panel members. At the conclusion, Graham invited his boyfriend Steven Flynn up front, and proposed to him in front of the crowd. Flynn said “Yes,” and the crowd applauded and cheered as the happy couple hugged.

Hope Shores Alliance staff members were on hand at the event for anyone who needed help. If you need help, call HSA at 1-800-396-9129.

“If we make space for people to explain how they want to be treated, honor this, listen without judgment, and hold abusers accountable, we can have the community that every single one of us deserves,” Kaltz said. “A community where nobody has to be afraid.”

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