Lesslee Dort

It’s February. By now, many of us have chosen a resolution or two for the year. Others prefer to set intentions or goals — things they decide to do or not do. Like a breath of fresh air, the new year brings with it new energy and new hope.

With the dawn of a new year, we entertain visions of a brand-new purpose, a better version of ourselves. As I considered my focus for the coming year, I pondered the idea of choosing a guiding word. A single word to keep me mindful, serve as my compass, and remind me what I’m focusing on. They say if I commit to this word, display it prominently, and weave it into my daily life, in theory, it should shape my actions and behaviors. So which is best?

Resolutions are commitments to specific actions; they are firm decisions to do something (or not do something). Intentions, on the other hand, are the motivation behind those resolutions — a desired state of being. Goals are the concrete, measurable steps we take to get there. And a guiding word can serve as our north star, keeping us aligned with our broader purpose.

Put simply: Resolutions are the “what.” Intentions are the “why.” Goals are the “how.” And guiding words are the quiet voice reminding us to stay the course.

As I was considering all this, my daughter asked me a question that spun me around. She asked, “Of the things you do routinely, are you doing them because you truly believe they’re important, or because someone else has told you they are?”

She used showering as a simplistic example. We’re conditioned to believe a daily shower is non-negotiable. But some skin types react poorly to it, and yet, people still prioritize social norms over what their bodies are literally begging them (not) to do. Now take that idea and zoom out — how many things do we do because “they” (whoever they are) say we should? How many activities, obligations, and expectations eat up our time, while the things we genuinely value get pushed to the side?

And that, I believe, is why we end up with failed resolutions.

A key factor in achieving resolutions is internal motivation. Studies show that people with intrinsic motivation — those pursuing goals for personal satisfaction rather than external validation — are more likely to stick with them. When we set goals based on what we truly want, setbacks become challenges to overcome rather than excuses to quit.

Interestingly, how we talk to ourselves also affects our success. Research by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan found that using second-person pronouns (“you”) or even speaking about yourself in the third person creates enough psychological distance to help you view your goals more objectively. It turns out that addressing yourself as if you were coaching a friend is a game-changer.

I unknowingly used this technique early in my career when I was asking my manager for a raise and a title bump. I found it painfully awkward to list my accomplishments in the first person. Not because I didn’t believe in them, but because talking about myself felt … icky. So, in a moment of inspiration (or desperation), I asked if I could present my case in the third person. Thankfully, my manager was open to it. And let me tell you, I went to bat for Lesslee with full-throated enthusiasm. The result? I got the promotion. (And some solid self-coaching skills to boot.)

And if you need a little extra nudge to succeed? Social scientists suggest adding an unpleasant consequence for failure. One effective method is to create an accountability system with a friend where, if you don’t meet your goal, you have to complete an undesirable task — like waking up an hour earlier for a week or taking on extra chores. On the flip side, if you succeed, you can reward yourself with something meaningful — like a relaxing day off or a fun outing.

But let’s also do away with the compulsive need to make declarations only at the start of a new year. The truth is, we shouldn’t be bound by a date on the calendar. In fact, it might be more effective if we periodically review, analyze, and reset to better reflect who we are in the moment. Social scientists refer to these moments as temporal landmarks — points in time that help us separate our past selves from the new, improved version we’re hoping to become.

Ultimately, whether you set resolutions, intentions, goals, or choose a guiding word, the key is to be sure that what you are striving for truly aligns with what you want — not what society dictates. And if you stumble along the way? No worries. You need not wait until January 1st to begin again. A fresh start is just one decision away, no matter the day, the hour, or the moment.

Lesslee Dort, a native of Northeast Michigan, is a writer, thinker, and lifelong explorer of the human experience. Through her essays and guided journals, Lesslee hopes to inspire readers to pause, reflect, and connect with themselves and those around them. Copies of her books are available for purchase at The Alpena News. Reach Lesslee via email at lesslee@regardingthejourney.com. Read her here on the third Thursday of each month.