Darby Hinkley

Words have weight.

Words can be weapons.

Words can be medicine.

Words can harm or heal.

Choosing words wisely and thinking before reacting seems to be a lost art. Of course we think reactionary things when faced with a problem that seems outside of our control. But, reacting immediately based on emotions is rarely productive, and often leads to further damage, both to ourselves and the person or people who have made us upset.

We have no control over what others say or do, but the words we choose in response to difficult situations can either add fuel to the fire, or provide an avenue to snuff it out. Thinking rationally and empathetically prior to responding is always the best choice.

It’s not easy.

People are human, and that includes me and you. People get angry when they feel hurt. People get sad when they feel overwhelmed. It is perfectly understandable to have these feelings. It is part of the human condition to have emotions. If we didn’t have them, we would be more like robots. Life has ups and downs. The downs stink, but the emotions related to good times will come back around.

Laughter from coming home after a hard work day when your silly happy dog gets excited to see you because he loves you unconditionally. Joy from remembering a cherished family gathering surrounded by loved ones. Peace from a lone walk through the woods on a spring day. These moments remind us that it’s not all bad. In fact, if we focus more on things that bring us joy, from the past, present, or even the future, we can each be in a better head space to respond when we are faced with troubling words or actions by others.

One aspect we may be forgetting to apply to our own lives is self-control. When things around us seem out of control, we have the tendency to react swiftly and with strong emotion. In my experience, this does not help any situation. And I admit I can be an emotional person. I have lashed out rashly at times, which only brings on guilt and remorse, and can negatively impact relationships. It often leads to a clean-up that could have been avoided if we had decided to use self-control, take a step back, try to consider where the other person or people are coming from, and choose our response wisely. Like I said, it’s hard work.

We have to remember we are all human. We may not always agree, but one thing we have in common is that we all have choices every day. We can choose to be offended and blast off accordingly. Or we can choose to sift through our initial internal thoughts and reactions, edit them, choose a respectful response, and maintain relationships.

This can be harder for some than others. Those who are going through chaotic times may feel more overwhelmed and have difficulty regulating their emotions and reactions. Those without the resources or support systems such as family and friends will likely have a harder time because they feel they are in emergency mode, and they are just surviving day to day.

We need to be mindful of the fact that while we are all human, some struggle more than others, and we all struggle from time to time, especially when a crisis arises.

In addition to self-control, practicing empathy is another thing we could all benefit from. We all have unique situations we are dealing with. We need to remember to take care of ourselves so that we can be better prepared to help others in need, and to be forgiving when we feel hurt.

Applying grace and genuinely offering forgiveness is healing for all of us. Life is not always easy, but if we think more and use words wisely, we can help our society relearn how to be happy, inside and out.

Darby Hinkley is Lifestyles editor at The Alpena News. Reach her at dhinkley@thealpenanews.com, or call 989-358-5691.